Psalm 148:14(NLT) says, “He has made his people strong.” This is a piece of knowledge that we must hold tight for the rest of our existences. The world thinks it knows best, and it tricks people into thinking that they can be strong on their own. It tells us that if we buy this product or concoction, we will feel and look younger. We think that because we’re physically strong, we are spiritually strong, and that isn’t necessarily the case. God is the only One that can make us strong. He’s our Source and sufficiency, and the moment we attempt to look outside of God for happiness and wholeness, we’ve lost the battle.
Some of us are in denial about the true conditions of our souls. We’re desperate to share our lives with a loving partner, but we’re trying to deny the motivation behind this need, or we call it something else. We believe that having someone by our sides will add to our lives in a significant way, and we’re craving this addition so that the sadness of loneliness can cease. We’ve got residual scaring from old wounds. Trauma enveloped many of our lives, either in childhood or adulthood. Some of us are trying to bandaid this with a person. We’re denying the deep pain that hurts us most, and we’re stamping ourselves “perfectly fine” when we’re far from it.
Denial about the current state of our souls doesn’t do us any good. We can’t be healed by denying the root cause of our unhappiness. We should be kinder to ourselves than this. Because of the heartaches we’ve endured in the past, the enemy has robbed many of us of a certain kind of confidence. Without it, we’re always at a point of trying to fill a void, and we think that a good man is just the right size to fit inside that space. In truth, if we try to use the man to fill the void, he then becomes a part of it, and the hole is made bigger.
Our confidence must be in God, but some of us are not quite there, and our fears get the best of us at times. Many women are denying that we’re in serious survival mode, and our various fears seem at times to be operating on automatic. Although we desperately want a piece of it, we no longer have a memory of the wholeness of Eden. The jungle is what we’ve known, and some of our experiences there have to be deprogrammed and cut loose. To the degree that we can be courageous, the grips of pain, regret, and disappointment must be consciously released in our hearts and minds. They must be replaced with faith in God. We must have the courage to strip away layers of fear regarding the unknown, so that those fears no longer rise to the surface when our blessings are near and sabotage them.
There is no question that God’s institution of marriage is ordained to expand our lives and strengthen our capacity to love through the Lord Jesus Christ. We long for this expansion. It’s as if we can feel it in our bones but longing for it doesn’t accelerate its manifestation. If nothing else, we’ve learned this over our years of being single. Crossing paths with the person God has ordained to walk with you through life requires more than desire. It requires a kind of fight that many of us have not been up for. We think we have, but the results prove differently.
Through the Apostle Paul, in 1Timothy 6:12(NLT), God laid out a very clear objective for life. This verse tells us, “Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses.” Paul then went on to tell us in 1Timothy 6:14(NLT), “obey this command without wavering. Then no one can find fault with you from now until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.” God has commanded us to fight the good fight of faith without wavering. This is required in marriage more so in other thing we attempt to pursue.
After we’ve pulled back some layers, and we’re positioning ourselves to step out of fear and into faith and truth, a new place within that we’ve not yet known will be revealed. You have to fight in your mind and heart to get there, and you have to fight in your mind and heart to stay there. The question God asks us, and the question we must ask ourselves, is whether we’re prepared for the fight of faith that marriage will most assuredly require. When hiccups arise, will our fears take over, or will we have learned the lesson of lowering the temperature by leaning into God and moving only as we are led by the Spirit?
Make no mistake, God has given us the winning side of life through Jesus Christ. The joy of winning should convey to us that the challenges and struggles will be equal to the win. Some of us have been through a lot. We’re now at a place of rest. Leaving it means a possibility of unrest, and we’re not sure we can navigate that. Yet, we’re eager for that piece of Eden. 1John 5:4 declares, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.” There’s a new place for you to go, and it’s not like the place where you are. Use this time to strengthen your faith. If the trauma of disappointment still lingers, and sadness continues to capture your soul, come out of that first. Let the Lord teach you those lessons, so that you’re prepared to take on marriage with the confidence in Christ that you won’t fail. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“The Winning Side of Life” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
