I’m Still Working on Myself

Proverbs 18:22 (NLT)
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”

“I’m not ready to get married yet. I’m still working on myself.”

You’ve probably heard this statement from some single individuals, and it has everything to do with how they view marriage and how they view themselves. A man in his early forties said this to me when he and I were talking about marriage. He’s a spiritually mature believer, and I was surprised to hear him say that he’s still not ready for marriage. He believes that he needs to work on himself, because once he marries, he doesn’t ever want to get a divorce. This is admirable by anyone’s standard. The problem is that being spiritually, mentally, and emotionally prepared to partner isn’t something we can do on our own. If a person isn’t actively pursuing and seeking God’s direction, they might not ever take that walk down the aisle.

We all have insecurities, and often those are the source of our uncertainties about getting married. So, we’re talking about internal issues with the heart and soul. These can manipulate the mind into having feelings and attitudes that do not line up with our new reality in Christ.

The work that God calls every one of His children to do is the work of their hearts, minds, and souls. It’s not about being ready for marriage, it’s about being ready to live for God through the Lord Jesus Christ. He said to his followers in Luke 9:23(NLT), “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” God wants to see commitment from us, and it is out of this steadfast commitment to God and His Kingdom that the loyalty and unity for marriage are formed.

For many, turning from selfish ways is the issue. God’s commandment regarding working on ourselves is that we learn more about Christ and take on more of his nature. 1John 2:6(ESV) tells us that “Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” So, we can see that when a believer says they’re not ready to get married because they have more work to do on themselves, this work should be about growing in Christ and putting on more of his love. If it’s not about growing in Christ, it’s an excuse to further indulge selfishness.

We are not sufficient in and of ourselves. If we were able to work on ourselves and get better outside of Christ, he would not have had to come to the earth and die. We are not qualified to do the kind of work within that is necessary to please God. And if we don’t please Him, we are outside His Will, which is the worst place of any in life to be. 2Corinthians 3:5(NKJV) affirms, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.”

We all have a work to do on ourselves, and it is the work of our hearts and minds, to put off the negative and dark behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes of our old nature, and to put on the nature of Christ, who offered himself as a sacrifice to rescue us from sin and death. The incompletion of this work cannot be offered as an excuse for delaying commitments, because again, everyone is being perfected in Christ. Our goal must be to see ourselves as being continually fortified by God through Jesus Christ. This is what makes us more than conquerors and spiritually empowered to do all the things God has purposed us to do. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.