1 John 3:16-18 (NLT)
“16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion–how can God’s love be in that person? 18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.”
Recently I noticed something a bit different about a co-worker and good friend. He’s usually in a great mood and always anxious for the end of the day on Fridays so his weekend can begin. He’s been dating someone for over a year, and they’ve been spending a lot of time together on the weekends, but something has changed. After almost a week of being unusually quiet, I asked him if he was alright. He said to me, “I had been seriously contemplating giving my lady an engagement ring, but there’s some things about her that I’ve noticed lately. They are too concerning for me to overlook. I love her, but I don’t think I can make this move yet. I need to see a change.”
His honesty with himself about what he was seeing from this woman is impressive. He wasn’t in denial about what could potentially be real problems in a marriage down the road, and that’s a really good thing. As women, sometimes we don’t give ourselves this gift. Even when there are flashing lights and warning signs all over the place, if we think a ring is even a remote possibility, some of us will ignore it when the man has issues that are very problematic. Our aim shouldn’t be to ignore these things, but to deal with them in a way that leaves us and the other person in a higher spiritual place.
In the beginning of relationships, people present themselves in a certain way because they are purposefully trying to put themselves in the best possible light. This kind of surface-dwelling can last up to a year, and even longer. It’s inevitable, though, that this will eventually wear thin and two people will begin to see what is underneath the surface about each other. It can be a very challenging time in the relationship, and most of them go through this stage. There’s going to be a point where two people see each other’s dirt, and sometimes it can be so hurtful that many couples do not recover.
Both people think that they are right and the other is wrong. A woman might say, “I’m ready but he has this issue that keeps popping up.” If abuse is the issue, that should never be tolerated, but when it isn’t a factor and both individuals are committed to Christ, our Lord and Master should have the final say. He gives us the truth, and it breaks through all the layers and it should cause us yield to God’s Will, purpose, and plan.
In Matthew 7:3-5(NLT), Jesus said, “3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” When things go south, tit-for-tat is often the game played. We think that if the other person would just change something about themselves, things would be better. But the reality is that no one wins in the blame game. Both individuals need to take a good long look in the mirror. In significant relationships, we all come to the table broken in some way. And when it comes to taking that relationship to the next level, we all think we’re ready, but the truth is simply that sometimes we’re not.
There’s a place of pain within all of us, and when something is done to take us to that place, our first inclination is to shut down and become non-communicative. Jesus Christ offers another solution. We need to get rid of the speck in our own eye, and that is a very challenging thing to do, but we can do it if we humble ourselves under the leadership and direction of the Holy Spirit. Many of us have a need to be right, and when things get raw, we can easily turn to bitterness and blame. We can be like, “That’s a wrap for me!” but we have to be careful, because this would never be the response of Jesus Christ. Whether the relationship is salvageable or not, we have to take a step back and be obedient to the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23(NLT) tells us, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” These are the fruit the Spirit produces, and he produces them through us. We must submit to this.
God’s Word tells us that when we grow up and mature spiritually and physically, we must let go of childish things. We must come to a place in our faith where we recognize and trust that the power of God’s love can transform anything. It can transform us, and it can transform the one that has hurt us. We are His children, and if we allow His love to reign in our attitude and behavior, we will demonstrate that we are true disciples of Christ. We will witness that God’s love is the ultimate problem solver. It will cause us to be who He wants us to be, and it is the solid foundation on which any lasting and beautiful relationship must rest.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“I’m Ready, But He Has This Issue…” written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack and KLizzie for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.■
