“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 9:9 (ESV)
Over the summer, a dear friend invited me to attend to a gathering for a couple who’d recently celebrated their first-year wedding anniversary. I didn’t know much about them, but I had heard that they were both very independent people before they got married. In these modern times, ‘independent people’ is sometimes code for individuals who refuse to be tied down to anyone’s definition of the roles spouses typically assume. They are both in their early thirties, and after the wedding, they decided to move into the husband’s apartment which happens to be a fifteen-minute drive from his parents. My friend said to me, “Lord have mercy, I heard he’s having a difficult time adjusting to her not being able to cook. He’s constantly at his mother’s house for dinner.”
The realization that his wife doesn’t possess the skills that a wife has historically embodied is causing some frustrations. She’s frustrated that he isn’t more understanding, and he’s disappointed that she’s not tidy and doesn’t clean or cook. At the gathering, it was evident that they’re having problems. So, now they have to face the reality of trying to build a strong foundation in their marriage when neither of them seems to be happy with the other.
Proverbs 12:4(ESV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Many of us look at this verse, mull it over two seconds, and move on about our business. God’s Word isn’t up for personal interpretation. Although we’d like to think we can put our own spin on what it means to be the crown in our future husbands’ lives, God has set the standard. He tells us that a virtuous woman is one that is devoted, wise, resourceful, kind, and willing to do every good for the benefit and welfare of her family. She knows what it is to bear a cross and does so with the conviction of her faith in God.
As women of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, some of us are still clinging to the “no one’s perfect” argument, as if that excuses us from the commitment to be perfected in and by Christ. We don’t get to tell God how we should love our spouses and families; He has told us. We are to love according to the standard of Christ, because that is the kind of love that God wants all His daughters to receive in return.
In the Old Testament, men understood the tremendous benefit to their lives if they married a good woman. They understood that a wise choice would bless them richly, and a wrong choice would burden them for the rest of their lives. Take Abraham for instance. He received the promise of the Father to make him a man with descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky. Abraham understood that this blessing would pass from him to his Son, Isaac. He was adamant about the quality of woman his son would marry. Among other attributes, she had to be a woman who loved God, is of good character, and is humble and unselfish. Abraham left this in God’s hands and proceeded to send his servant on a mission to find the woman God had ordained.
Many of us have been praying to God for a husband for quite some time. We expect that the Father will present us with someone that He has ordained. Therefore, we assume this man will be loyal, loving, and devoted to us. We want him to be God’s kind of special, yet we’re not thinking that we should be just as prepared to be a crown in his life as he will be to our lives. One man could have one idea of what a crown of a woman is to him, and another man could have a completely different need. Your responsibility to be prepared to be a crown for the one God has for YOU. If you don’t know how to be the woman your future spouse will treasure, make a shift in your prayer life and ask God to teach you. Then be humble enough to learn.
Our future husbands will not be perfect, and neither are we, but we are being perfected in Christ, and God expects us to live as though we know this. As a woman desiring marriage, you must meet the example of a good wife according to God’s standards, not your own. Don’t let that slip by you. Our Heavenly Father tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for us. He knows the man that is ordained to be your husband. Seek God! Do what He tells you to do so that you’ll meet His standard and be as much of a treasure to your husband as he will be to you.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
“A Good Example of a Wife”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
